“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” Robert Burns
I’ll be thirty in two months. 30. Three-zero. It’s a weird thought to chew on as just yesterday I was sitting in Mamaw’s kitchen reading the joke on the back of a Rice Crispies cereal box. Weird.
The odder bit for me, though, is the part where I’m not an uber-wealthy female version of Dr. Phil with two darling children already age seven and five. It’s funny how our minds change when we are twenty-one years old and deeply convinced that we are, in fact, not ready for marriage.
You see, me and God have had lots of conversations. Conversations that sound a lot more like therapy sessions. I’m not the easiest of patients, mind you, because I’m often the type to not listen all-that-well.
My prayers often begin with, “Hey God, it’s me, again, your favorite squirrel-minded daughter.”
On a serious note, He’s pulled me out of some pretty big funks. Funks that taught me that I couldn’t do this whole life thing alone and, thank God, I didn’t have to.
But a lesson I’m still learning, as a fairly new wife and mother, is that no matter how dearly I love to know what’s next so I can “get ahead of it,” I can’t.
You see, whenever I envisioned becoming a mother, to be honest, I never pictured having to sacrifice the parts of myself that I had become most fond of: my independence. That is, the career that gave me a sense of independence.
I was doing a job that was, in a way, my “dream job.” I was able to help other people in a tangible way, while being able to support my family financially. I had pride in this work and couldn’t believe how blessed I had been by stumbling onto this opportunity four years ago. My work is humbling, often difficult, and truly rewarding.
Whenever we found out about our pregnancy last December, the thought never entered my mind that my career was over. “It’s 2021,” I thought, “there’s no way I have to sacrifice my career for my child!”
Me and God had a lot of conversations in those months, mostly about preparing to become the best mommy I could be. The best wife I could be. Oh, how I prayed to not lose myself to the stress of motherhood. I’m sure God had lots of chuckles at the naivety of my thoughts. I asked God to direct my motherhood and grant me the wisdom to care for my son in the way HE wants me to, no matter the cost. A dangerous prayer, friends.
So when these last few months unraveled, and childcare became the difference between me being able to be the career mom or the mom who puts her child first: wisdom had to step in.
Y’all, I’m not a Susie-homemaker. Before Beckett I had trouble keeping the house in order. I’m definitely not the type to welcome my husband home with dinner on the stove and a baby on my hip.
You can only imagine my conversations with God. Like, “Hey, God, it’s me, just wondering what on earth you’re trying to do to me!”
Then, just like always, He sent me reminders.
TRUST: a word that’s confronted me this year like never before. The year I grew a rainbow baby. The year I birthed that baby and survived (shwew!) The year my husband totaled his truck right before the birth of that baby. All these events took an amount of trust that grew me in ways I never knew I needed.
“Have I failed you yet?” The Father whispers.
No, You haven’t.
This Christmas season, as we reflect on the journey of Mary to becoming the mother of Christ, I am deeply encouraged by her story. God chose a young lady with zero affluence and very little “real world” experience to bring about His plan for saving US. How much trust she had to have in God to not only say yes to this plan, but to joyfully exclaim the wondrous works that God will do through this plan without having seen it yet for herself. No wild visions nor scroll with a game plan was given. She didn’t read a “What to Expect when Expecting the Savior” or receive a big shower with diaper cakes, Ring slings and Target gift cards to prepare. She lived in complete trust in God and gave HIM all the glory.
And later on, knowing that Mary misplaced the young Jesus on their travels brings an odd sense of peace that she may, just like me, have been a little hair-brained at times. 🙃
All this to say that God can use me, in all my messiness, to bring about His plan that’s much bigger and better than my own. May He receive all the Glory for whatever unfolds in the seasons to come!
And I may never be Susie-homemaker, and may be more like a Sally-squirrel-minded fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants; but the Lord takes everything and makes it GOOD and I’m going to rest in that knowledge.
I leave you with these precious words from Mary, the messy mother of Jesus:
“Mary said: With all my heart I praise the Lord, and I am glad because of God my Savior. God cares for me, his humble servant. From now on, all people will say God has blessed me. God All-Powerful has done great things for me, and his name is holy.”
Luke 1:46-49 CEV
TheAbundantLife 